Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
