i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
