If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
