"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
