Did you just see the Batmobile???
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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