You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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