No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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