im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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