We won't sleep together?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
