And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
