btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
