This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
