God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
