The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
