Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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