I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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