dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
