and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
