I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
