My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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