Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
