Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
