and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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