oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
