At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
