so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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