found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
