6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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