Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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