Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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