That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
