biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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