Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
