His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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