you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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