He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
tell me about the eggs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
