If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
