if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
