Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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