Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
