i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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