I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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