So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
