I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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