Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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