i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
