Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
