Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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