her vagine was all disorganized.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
