Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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