Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
