I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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