wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
