Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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