youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
