Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
