Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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